Let's Mock The News

In a new attempt to seize the coveted world championship belt for chutzpah, a convicted murderer is arguing that if only the police had caught him sooner, he would have received a lighter sentence.

Vito Rizzuto is suing the warden of his U. S. prison in a bid to shave more than two years from his sentence for three gangland murders.

Rizzuto, 62, named as the boss of the most powerful Mafia organization in Canada, says the way the U. S. Bureau of Prisons is calculating his sentence is unfair, violating his constitutional rights and robbing him of more than two years of freedom.

The Montrealer was sentenced last year to 10 years in prison for his role in the murder of three mob rivals in a Brooklyn social club back in 1981.

He now argues that he should be eligible to receive the far more generous parole allowances that were in place at the time his crime was committed instead of the harsher rules of today.

Apparently it's all the fault of the police. If they had brought him in sooner, then he could have taken advantage of the early bird discount. Too bad he wasn't tried and sentenced in Canada, where we have a Kill One, Kill One (Or Two, Or Three...) Free program.

Here's a tip for Mr. Rizzuto: if he wanted to be sentenced under the terms in place at the time he committed his murders, then he should have turned himself over to the police immediately. By eluding capture, he left himself eligible for whatever was in place at the time of his eventual arrest and conviction. I hope his claim gets laughed out of every courtroom available, and that each judge involved adds another year to his sentence just for the irony.


Here's a thought: since lying in court is itself a criminal offence - it's called "perjury", for those of you who remember the Clinton years and so had to live through that term being shamefully distorted - then perhaps an additional charge should be laid against some convicted criminals. If you entered a plea of "not guilty", then turned out to be guilty, then you lied to the court by definition. Tack on a perjury charge. If you plead "not guilty" to that one and are found guilty, lather, rinse, and repeat until you learn better.

Note for clarity: I'm not seriously suggesting that. I know it's hard to tell sometimes. I'm dead serious about Mr. Mobster serving as long as possible behind bars, though. He can walk around society as a free man again just as soon as his victims are able to do the same.


Enough rambling. Here's a picture of something my wife did with some balls of yarn and pointy sticks. I am in awe of this ability.