Get Jeff Foxworthy On The Phone

I'll probably feel bad about this one later, but for now I'll go with it being funny.

It's been said that comedy equals tragedy plus time. I've heard that idea from different sources, but Internet consensus seems to give Carol Burnett the original credit.

I'll agree with that formula. I prefer to define the value of time as "1". Decide for yourself on the unit of measurement.

Anyway, here we go. My favourite line, the one that sums it all up, is bolded:

WINNIPEG - Police are citing alcohol consumption as a factor in a tragedy in which a woman allegedly killed her sister-in-law and injured two other family members by driving over them while they slept on the ground outside her home.

RCMP said several people were at the home in Berens River at the time of the incident Saturday afternoon, and they had been drinking.

"This is an event that involved a lot of alcohol consumption," Sgt. Line Karpish said Sunday. "There was a gathering at the house at the time of the incident."

While driving out of her yard in a Pontiac Tempest, the woman ran over the three people, RCMP said.

So many jokes, so little time or conscience. You'll be able to make up plenty of your own, I'm sure. Let's try swinging at a few softballs:

-If you've ever gotten really drunk and run over some relatives passed out on your front lawn, you may be a redneck.

- If you've ever gotten really drunk and passed out on the front lawn, then a drunk relative drove across the lawn and ran over you, you may be a redneck.

- In defense of the folks who were "sleeping" in the yard, that's where this family keeps most of their furniture.

- The driver had to use the Tempest, because she couldn't get either of the Gremlins down off their blocks.


I love that the story specifically names the model of car, as though it's relevant. The marketing folks at Pontiac must be thrilled. Sure, getting product placement in an A-list movie is one thing, but this is the sort of publicity that money just can't buy.


Enough rambling. Here's a picture of something else that I find funny but that somebody, somewhere, will probably find a way to find offensive. Maybe even blasphemous. (I can hope.)